I have lived in Sedona for 10 years, and one of things I love most about it, is the changing seasons, without extremes.  I was in Ashland Oregon 3 weeks ago where my daughters and grandson live and it looked unbelievable with the fall colors.

The trees dance with color, and their movement with the wind was magical.  Sedona is magical in a completely different way. Sedona doesn’t have the extreme changing colors, but it also doesn’t have the extreme cold or hot.  If you drive down the Oak Creek Canyon in the fall, you get this feeling that everything in the world is okay.  The trees showing off their colors, the smell of camp fires, and the crisp, clean air.  The days are warm and the nights are perfect, maybe a lite sweater. It’s even beautiful when all the leaves have fallen.

I lived in Ashland for 11 months before I moved to Sedona, and as beautiful as Ashland is, Sedona has become more than a home to me.  Besides being totally breath taking, it holds me in a blanket of safety.   I have never felt like I was home until Sedona.  I lived in Phoenix for 33 years, and I never felt connected to the place or the community.

I was talking with Anne a gal at a party on Saturday night and we were talking about how Sedona either embraces you or unfortunately spits you out. I have seen many people spit out, it’s not pretty. I myself feel very lucky that it allowed me to stay.  What really seems to be the ongoing thread is that, Sedona brings up the issues you need to work on, if you work on them, you’re in, if you don’t  “toowee”.

It really allows me to live in a place that has 4 seasons without being brutalized by any of them, all of them are mild. No 20 below, yet, no 110 degrees.  So, I guess I’m going to stay for awhile, as long as Sedona will let me or I keep working on my stuff.

Where do you live and what do you love about it most, and how does it make you feel?

So, I set a goal of getting back into my exercise routine more 3 weeks ago and one thing lead to another and I fell a bit short on that goal, well actually I only hiked once, so I fell really short of my goal.  How do I feel?  Personally, I feel a little disappointed with myself. Am I going to let that stop me from setting another goal? Nope, not a chance.

I’m not even going to beat myself up about it. I’m going to look at the reality of the situation no matter what it is, meaning, I’m going to be real with myself about why I did not reach my goal. If I’m honest about why I didn’t reach it, even if it’s as simple as I just didn’t want to work out, I can explore the reason why, and set another goal that I may have a better chance of reaching. If I’m not honest about why I didn’t reach it, the possibility of not reaching it again are pretty high. It’s important to know what obstacles were in your way, so you can remove them.  For me it was because I didn’t schedule my workouts in my date book so the days just got away from me.

One thing I did do was reset my goal, and because I knew what the obstacle was, I removed it and now I have a better chance of reaching my goal.

A big goal last year for me was becoming an Award Winning Author, with My Feet Aren’t Ugly. I had to do a lot of prep work to get my book in front of the right people and it was very intimating and I was afraid of rejection.  I kept at it for 10 months and yes there were some rejections, but there were some huge successes.  I won 4 Awards for my book.  I can tell you that winning the awards was amazing, but what was really important for me was setting the goal, following through with it,  and succeeding and seeing the results show up for me like they did.

Setting goals and obtaining them, help you build your confidence and the actual process helps you learn so much about yourself.

Here are some tips on goal setting:

1) Set the goal by writing it down
2) Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t reach it
3) If you don’t reach your goal, write about it, explore the reasons why
4) When you do reach your goal celebrate it
5) When reaching your goal, explore how you did it
6) If you didn’t receive an award object, create one, display it and be proud

Here is one of my awards that I am very proud of, it is the Nautilus Book Award Winner for Non Fiction Young Adult. Tell me what impact goal setting has had on you lately.

Through out my life I have worn everything from “ooh look at me”, designer clothes to someone else’s use to be “ooh look at me” clothing.  I have known people and still do that would never wear someone else’s old clothes, and that’s okay.  I used to always have a belief that if I didn’t pay a lot for my clothing that they were made poorly and would fall apart. This may be true in some cases, for instance if they are made really cheaply in another country to be marketed in the states for a low price. To understand this check out this web site The story of Stuff it will explain about getting products cheap that are made in other countries.

My beliefs about having to pay a lot for clothing or they will fall apart has changed.  in today’s economy, can we afford to pay $180.00 for a pair of jeans?  I certainly can’t!

The question of the hour here is are we being judged for not wearing designer clothes, and if so do we care?  I am shocked at the importance of clothing with today’s young and how much money they are spending to look In style.

I believe that teenagers feel judged if they don’t have clothing style.  The media plays a huge part in affecting our teen’s self-esteem if they don’t look like they have step out of a fashion magazine.  So, what can we do to not be so affected by what others think of us, while we are trying desperately to hang on to our sense of self and be unique?

1) First realize that if you dress with confidence, it’s not going to matter what you wear, your confidence will override your clothing.

2) Then realize that it is our own unique style, no matter what it is, that make you who you are, so let it rip.

3) Your style is an expression of who you are, if you are dressing like someone else, who are you?

4) Clothing style doesn’t have to cost an arm and a leg to look cool, make sure you hit all of the sales, look for designer thrift stores, and have clothing exchanges with your friends and their friends.  I love clothing exchanges, I have walked away with great cloths and they were a blast.

5) Stop buying into what the media says, you don’t have to be like everyone else to have style.

6) Wear clothes that compliment your body, don’t just wear styles, because they are in.

So, go out there and express yourself, wear the clothes you love and that look good on you. Start enjoying being you and your sense of style.

If you have any comments, I would love to hear from you.

Stand up for yourself, set boundaries, don’t let your friends take advantage of you.  Wow, that’s a lot to ask of a teen!

It seems like it’s a lot to ask of an adult. Look around you, how many adults tell their friends, their bosses or anyone that is acting inappropriately, “that’s not acceptable”!  I am in a circle of pretty conscious people and most of them have difficulties setting boundaries. When most adults have to make a decision to confront someone who has done something to them that they don’t appreciate, it takes a lot for them to talk to the person. Some people actually get sick to their stomach, and have extreme anxiety about it.

So why do we act like our teen should be able to handle this easier.  It is most often harder for a teen to confront another teen or worse yet an adult about something they have done that he or she is not good with.  It is tougher for a teen to make sense of what has happened and why it feels off.  This happens to adults also, but with teens they can’t usually figure out how to confront without being ousted by their peers or not respected by an adult.

So how can we help or teens and our self to confront with ease?  For me it is easier just knowing that if I confront I am taking care of myself, and usually if it’s good for me it’s always a gift for the other person in learning more about themselves, if they are willing. Also if I look at what it is they are doing and why it is triggering me, that helps me learn about myself. It helps me take the blame off of them and realize it’s just another lesson to learn.

For teens it’s important for the parent to have compassion for what they are feeling around it, understand their feelings, and their hurt, step into their reality.

Help your teenager get in touch with their feelings around the situation, ask them questions like “how did you feel when she did that to you” or “why do you think she is acting like that”, also ask her if she feels the hurt anywhere in her body. Sometimes there will be physical symptoms. Asking questions helps them get in touch with how they are feeling, and why and make sense of the situation.

Help your teen put together a plan of what they might say to the person acting inappropriate.  Also help them understand why the other person might be acting this way; so that your teen can have compassion for them, this really helps with easing the anger.

These are also good tips for adults to use when they are having difficulties with confronting.  I have become really good at confronting people in a loving way because what I noticed was, when I didn’t confront I got sick to my stomach and would lose sleep over it. I bet if you thought about it, you would realize that it is more painful not to confront than to confront. So stand up for yourself, start setting healthy boundaries, and confront in a loving way.  Let me how you feel when you do or don’t confront.

Bullying, this seems to be a very hot topic in the school system today.  Who are these bullies?  Where are they? Why do they bully?

Bullies can be anyone, any age, any size, and any color.  Bullying is in the school system, the adult work environment, it’s everywhere.

People bully because they don’t feel good about themselves, they have low self-esteem.  Someone threatens them some how and they go into reaction mode. How can someone become threaten, is it because of insecurities. Someone at school is better at something, or they think someone is prettier, more popular, someone gets a promotion, and it goes on and on. If they feel threatened by someone else, they react, and sometimes their reactions are very mean.   They are not conscious of how mean they really are. I don’t believe that if people knew they were mean people, that they would continue behaving that way.

I was just having a conversation with a friend this week regarding her daughter in high school that was being bullied. It started out with one girl treating her poorly, and then within 2 months had escalated to 13 girls.  This girl that was being bullied is such a sweet gal, and doesn’t have a mean bone in her body, a perfect victim for bullies.  She had lost her appetite; she wasn’t sleeping much, and was having such anxiety. It is such a shame, the grief that these bullies caused this girl. The mother decided to pull her daughter out of the school she was in and put her in another one.

This decision proved to be a good one; it immediately has made a difference in her behavior. It’s hard to know what is right for each person. If you are being bullied, first there is no easy solution, talk to someone about it and come up with a game plan. Don’t let it get out of hand. If you’re a bully start to look at your behavior.  When something triggers you, do you lash out at people? If so, start to look at why and what causes this behavior.

Wake up to your actions, stop spreading harm in the world, stop participating in the negative influences.  Start aiding in the healing of the planet and peoples soul. Really start paying attention to your behavior and how you affect others.

Let me know if you have been bullied or been a bully at some point in your life and how this has affected you.

My body is always trying to teach me lessons, that honestly sometimes I just don’t want to hear.  It seems that I am constantly hearing from my body. “I have an ache here, my allergies are up, I have an ache there”.

I am usually trying to escape the feeling of pain or discomfort. The key word in that sentence is escape. I was taught a while back that escaping the pain  was not the answer, that going into the pain was. WOW! Who wants to move into something that feels so bad?

Well, I have done it in my past and what I have found out about myself is that I will do almost anything to avoid the pain.  So, when I feel the pain instead of trying to get away from it, like taking an aspirin, it’s best for me to close my eyes, feel the pain and ask myself what is my body trying to tell me.

With this last episode in the hospital, what was my Colon trying to tell me? I get it, to slow down, relax, stop worrying, and that everything is going to be alright. That Colon of mine is one smart cookie.

So, instead of running from our pain, try moving into it and asking it “what is it you are trying to tell me”?  The lessons are big and pretty loud for us to hear.

If we choose to listen!

Well, Sorry I haven’t Blogged in a week, but I was in the hospital…Yuk!

Friday night I got a big oh pain in my right side and Saturday morning went to the emergency room, thinking I had appendicitis. They ran a bunch of test and found a very inflamed colon.

How could this be, I eat all the right foods, and even take supplements for inflammation, and stomach care. None of it made any sense at all.

Then I did a bit of reading and found out that it could possibly be STRESS. Well, looking at the life I have created and what I have put on my plate, it didn’t surprise me. I decided to get my book out and read the chapter on Stress Reduction. It’s right there in my own words:

“Stress can do quite a bit of harm to your body and you emotional health”.

No kidding! I was shocked, even though I have read about stress and at some level participated in its unruly actions, nothing like what I experienced with my poor inflamed colon.

I knew it could be destructive to our bodies and emotional health, because of what I have read; now I know it first hand.

I am slowly removing things off my plate, getting things done on my time. I’m kicking off the things that have caused me grief and aren’t worth having on my plate in the first place.

I have started meditating again; this slows me down and starts my morning out with the intentions I want to set for the day. Check out Sarah Mcleans website on meditation Sedona Meditation Training

Check in with yourself and make sure your plate isn’t so full you can’t carry it anymore. Do you have feelings of anxiety? How is your sleeping? Are you having any aches or pains that are unusual? Just check in before the stress does any damage.

When I saw and read the article in Us Magazine this month about Jennifer Love Hewitt on losing 18 LBS in ten weeks, my first thought was “I thought weight didn’t matter”.

I know she states in the article that she didn’t lose the weight because of the rude and mean comments, so my questions to her is why go on the cover of Us Magazine and make it such a HUGE deal that you lost 18 LBS, why make it so public?

Lose the weight, be happy, and run your marathon. Don’t make such a production out of losing weight, it sends the wrong message to our teens. Every time a teen see a cover like this one on a popular magazine, it screams “if you looked like I did you need to lose weight.

80% of women feel badly about their bodies, and most women and teens have an immediate reaction to seeing someone on the cover of a magazine showing off their body. The reaction is usually I’m not good enough.

80% of women report that images of women on TV, fashion magazines, and advertising make them feel insecure about their looks.

So I don’t know if Jennifer Love Hewitt thought she was doing our youth a favor, she might want to rethink it. Any image of a women that is showing her slim body with a smiling face, and heavier body with an unhappy face is sending a message that thin is better.

The media is bombarding our youth on all levels, mostly about our bodies not being thin enough.

Talk to your teen about how this makes her feel, and let her know that she is great the way she is and that most of the images in magazines aren’t real. What’s real is the essence of who we are.

Here is a video about how the media is affecting our teenage girls and yes us too. Let me know what you think about it.

I just spent the weekend in Newport Beach with my boyfriend and his 2 twin Fourteen-year-old boys. Boys sure are fun, and what I realized is that they are not too different from girls, at least not at 14. They care what they look like, their hair, their cloths and they don’t want their Dad or their Dad’s girlfriend touching them in public.
So image is important and it starts at a young age, probably around 12 years-old, and goes on until we are; well, until we figure out that what’s on the outside isn’t the most important thing in the world.

So what can we do to encourage our teens to have more self-confidence? First and foremost is set a good example. If we are walking around talking about how we don’t like our bodies, or our hair looks like crap, and our cloths are out of style, you can bet that our teens will notice and follow suit.

If you do anything to help your teen, it’s don’t talk negatively about yourself and also don’t talk negatively about them. If you are slamming them they will get good at slamming themselves. Also, talk to them about why they don’t like certain things about themselves and help them understand how they might be able to change their perception or attitudes about the those things. We all want to feel good about ourselves; the best gift we can give our teenager is positive reinforcement.

The best thing we can do for ourselves is also positive reinforcement.

Do you feel like you get the encouragement you would like in your daily life? How many of us do? I sure don’t, so I had to go to the drawing board and figure out why? Yes encouragement feels good and everyone needs it, but from whom? It doesn’t feel good to be trying your hardest and be treated like your not trying.

Why is it so hard for friends, family, partners or bosses to give encouragement? One thing I realized was that it might not be about me. If a boss isn’t giving me encouragement and I know I am doing a good job and doing my best, it might be because they have insecurities. Maybe they have a hard time telling you your great at your job because it makes them feel insufficient somehow. If this is the case, for me it’s important just not to take it personally. To know that I am doing the best I can and that I am okay. It goes back to the self confidence thing. If I am self confident then it would matter if others think I’m not adequate.

For me when someone is acting like I’m not good enough, my mantra is the reverse, to tell myself that I am good enough. For them, it is to see a wounded person inside of them that can’t see the good in themselves, therefore they have to act like others aren’t good enough. Send them love because they are feeling very insecure about themselves, the more encouragement you give them, the easier it will be to reciprocate.